What’s up Ladies! How’s everyone feeling today?

Today I want to talk about where and how you argue. Whether you’re arguing with your partner, your sister, or even your 6 going on 16-year-old daughter, these tips will help you make your next argument a little more productive, and hopefully less painful.

Here are some tips to make your next argument more productive:

Choose the right time and place:

We all know how important it is to set the scene for success. When you’re discussing something important or potentially stressful, make sure you’re in a comfortable and private space. Timing matters too – don’t bring up heavy topics when you’re both exhausted or distracted.

Use “I” statements:

Own your feelings and thoughts with “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You always…” or “You never…”, say, “I feel hurt when…” or “I think we could work on…” This shifts the focus away from blame and towards your perspective, making your partner more likely to understand where you’re coming from.

Practice Active Listening:

Remember, communication is a two-way street. Give your partner your full attention and actively listen to their side of the story. Make eye contact, nod, and show that you’re genuinely engaged in understanding their viewpoint.

Stay Focused:

It’s easy to get carried away during an argument and start bringing up past grievances. Instead, stay laser-focused on the current issue at hand. Discuss the matter in a way that feels like you’re working together to find a solution, not rehashing old wounds.

Take a Time Out:

Have you ever been told to count to 10 before you react to something? It’s a great tool to use because it gives you a chance to change perspective, calm down, and regroup. If you take a moment to check in with yourself, you will probably notice that it’s not a good time, or maybe that nothing good will come from speaking your mind at this very moment. Taking a timeout is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of maturity and self-awareness. 

Compromise not Victory:

Arguments are not about winning or losing; they’re about finding common ground and growing as a couple. Be willing to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you. Remember, you’re on the same team!

Go for a “walk & talk”:

Another tip for heated or hard conversations is to try taking a walk together. I like to call this a “walk and talk”. Some of the hardest and most beautiful conversations of my life have happened on these walks. There is something about looking ahead and not at each other that seems to take pressure off the conversation and gives you opportunity to think more clearly. Because you aren’t looking at each other it gives you and the other person the safety to react, typically with facial expressions or audible sighs without creating more conflict. 

Express Gratitude:

After the argument is resolved, take a moment to express gratitude for the effort your partner put into the conversation. Reaffirm your love and connection by sharing a hug, a kiss, or a heartfelt “I love you.” 

Reflect & Learn:

After the dust settles, take some time to reflect on the argument. What did you learn about yourself, your partner, and your communication style? Use this knowledge to strengthen your relationship moving forward.

Arguments don’t have to be the end of the world. In fact, when done right, they can be opportunities for growth, understanding, and deeper connection with the other person. Remember, you’re in control of your reactions, your words, and your emotions.

With so much love,

Charli